Went to Emergency Room yesterday - really bad anxiety attack. Now, they are saying I am suffering from anxiety and depression. I don't like the depression label, but I have to agree with them at this point. Just can't figure out WHY I am depressed, I can understand why I get anxious sometimes...life is pretty stressful for all of us. Anyway, feeling worn out today and I look like I have been hit by a truck! I will probably start back on Lexapro or something like that after I start therapy. I have known for a while that a complete melt down was on the way...I have been so angry! The anger has now been replaced with an overwhelming sadness. And, I have begun to second guess the decisions that have been made...Have Paul and I made the best decision for our family, for us?I resent the continuity in which most families live - my family and I have survived without that.
I struggle with a battle that few have ever fought, and I resent that those who haven't, disregard the victory with a shrug.
I resent that some can put their needs before others, when my entire adult life has been sacrificed for others unknown to me.
I struggle for balance between Motherhood and Sailor, and I resent those who haven't ever had to choose and still think we are equal.
I resent that I have allowed myself to have expectations of others, for I, more than most, should know better.
I struggle once again to regain composure, to finsh out this day, this career, this lifetime, with honor, courage and committment.
